My Life, My Struggle Moving Forward

After pondering over the scripture 2 Timothy 3:1-7

Many nights I would wake up confused, hurting, crying, and feeling stupid over and over again. Ashamed, embarrassed to tell my mom, family members, church members, or neighbors about the emotional physical and sexual abuse going on in my environment. Mind you children lives here. I had the wrong beliefs keeping it all together while it was falling apart. Men can do what they want in their own house, good man, bad boy.

Yet, my father in heaven calls me by name, not bitch, hoe, slut, or cunt. Sometimes our greatest adversary in life lives within our own mind. Having to replay past events and life's challenges from a critical space our heads become filled with self doubt and insecurities. Self love involves establishing a strong foundation on which I had to build self worth. This required me to learn new ways to release internalized and life limiting beliefs past events and relationships.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Counseling or "CBT" provided an opportunity to gain more insight and awareness to help release negative thoughts and beliefs about myself. To me, it's okay to make mistakes. It is okay to change your mind. I now have in my life positive and supportive people who encourages me like a coach, mentor, teacher, family, and church members. These people, to me, have qualities such as, but not limited to confidence, self assurance, authenticity, clear headed, and wisdom. 

I think about ways to be like these types of people. Some of my favorite books to read helped me learn to get in touch with my feelings. I get away from noise, say "I am okay, I am safe", or "this will pass". Listen to calming music, take warm showers, whatever I have to do to stay healthy. Not drinking, drugging or in need of therapy. I made a real decision that no one abuses me, not even myself.